Archive for September, 2019

Don’t Give Up Until, True Love Will Find You In The End

September 16, 2019

It’s funny how some things click home. The passing of Daniel Johnston has bothered me. For any who don’t know, he was a musician from Texas who was…different. Other musicians loved him, but his peculiarities likely prevented him from ever catching on in the mainstream.

I came upon Johnston probably ten years ago. Maybe more. Then I sort of lost track of him. Seeing that he passed away last week sent me back down a youtube memory hole, pulling up his songs and people covering his songs.

Mostly I’ve been listening to¬†Love Will Find You In The End. It’s been strangely devastating, partly from what I put into it from my end, partly from what I know of Johnston’s life.

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time finding some sort of over arching purpose to life. I’ve sort of heaved it upon my kids at this point. Why do I do what I do? Well, because I try to make things slightly better for my kids.

For myself? I don’t know. The Wife and I have lately been talking about moving. Sometimes I’m up for it, lately I’ve been digging in my heels. The soonest we’d move is when our oldest is out of high school, so it would still be at least 18 months off. Not exactly a pressing decision to make at any rate. But it’s something I still think about it quite a bit.

Because that is sort of what I do. I latch onto something and dump far too much energy into it, far beyond what it deserves at the time. Probably as a way of putting off dumping that energy into something more pressing. self-sabotaging to a degree.

The Wife thinks we’ll be happier elsewhere, that we might just be an ill-fit for the area we live in. I’m leaning harder towards the idea that I might just not be happy anywhere. Listening to Johnston singing about love finding you in the end, but that you have to make yourself available to it, you have to step into the light.

I wonder if I am capable of stepping into the light of life. Of finding that happiness or at least contentment regardless of where I am living. Or if I choose shadow. I’m trying to work on it.

Here’s maybe my favorite recording of Daniel Johnston singing¬†True Love Will Find You In The End. He’s older here, his health seems to not be the best. I’m not sure why. But it lends something to the song. I wonder what or who he is thinking of at the end of this song. is it the one woman who he seemed to fixate on so strongly that it powered him to write, iirc, a thousand songs, or better? Or is it something else, something more private, maybe less defined. We can guess, but I don’t think we can know.

I hope he has found a better place, and that all of us can make the best of this place.

You’ve Been A Bad Mom

September 16, 2019

So, Felicity Huffman was sentenced today. She apologized, again. She set herself upon the pyre. The prosecuting attorney was a hypocritical twit. The judge seemed to have played the role allotted.

I don’t think Huffman should feel bad at all.

Yeah, it was unfair. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it’s wrong. But for everyone to run around and act like the wealthy haven’t done whatever they could to keep and pass down the privileges and status our society affords them is ridiculous. What Huffman and others are being prosecuted for is not being wealthy enough, for not being connected enough.

A bit more money. A bit more status. The rails would have been greased quietly and more efficiently. Their kids would have gotten in to whatever schools their parents plied with their status and money.

Nothing about this case will make it any more fair for the next group of students. Those truly connected and with more money will still get favors done for them. Their kids will still get in regardless of how much they deserve it. It’s just the way it is.

And the way it will continue to be unless something foundational is changed in our society and our education system. It’s broken. She’s just a symptom of the breakage, and putting her in prison or making her do community service or anything else isn’t going to change that. And it’s not going to deter the folks who are better from throwing their influence/money around to get whatever they want because they will almost certainly get away with it and reap the benefits of it.

Maybe this is overly pessimistic of me, but I don’t think she or the other parents really need to apologize for anything other than finding such a lousy middle man to peddle their influence.