Archive for January, 2020

Never Slowing Down

January 30, 2020

…but I keep growing old.

It feels like I have been bouncing from one thing to the next quite a bit already this year. Trying to get things sorted, start an exercise thing (which I still need to do today…at 1030 at night…), and just find a productive positive move forward.

I’ve been meaning to make a post about my attempts to make my own bread. I keep forgetting to take pictures, though. Or I’m just really busy and I barely have time to make the bread let alone to document it.

What pushed me towards this I’m not quite sure. We go through a lot of bread and store bought bread just isn’t that great unless. Maybe the stuff that costs $2,$3, or $4 a loaf is better, but I get the store brand because I’m going through two or more loaves a week with the lunches I’m packing, snacks I’m making, and toasts I’m toasting.

Yesterday I was fighting the idea of supper. I couldn’t come up with anything I wanted and if I don’t want it I extrapolate that out to no one else wanting it. I was going to do 15 bean soup, but it feels like we’ve been doing that all of the time lately and I just didnt feel up to another bowl of 15 bean.

so, it got shelved.

And off the shelf came lentils.

I googled lentil soup recipes, found something whose ingredients I could match up with and went with it. what would go well with a bowl of lentil soup? A big loaf of warm home made bread.

The soup is going to together. The bread is coming together. Both are stewing in their own warmth. The Boy gets home, signalling that I have a half hour before I have to leave to pick up The Girl. I get the soup on a low simmer. I put the two loaves of bread in the oven in 330 as I’m going out the door. Everything is perfect.

Until I get home. The oven has warmed to…225 degrees. The bread is…warm? Not hot. not done. Not baked.

My oven has quit working.  In the middle of making bread.

I don’t have pictures of it.

I Need My Energy

January 24, 2020

I have become pretty blah about life the past few years. I have a house I’m supposed to be renovating, a family I’m supposed to be caring for, etc. and a lot of days I want to just go back to bed.

I’m not entirely sure what to trace it back to, I lean towards it being just an accumulation of decisions that has sort of left me directionless outside of what I have to do for others. Which isn’t the worst thing, but I have found that I do very little for myself that gives me long term satisfaction.

Trying to reverse this course isn’t exactly easy. But I’m trying. I went to my first wellness visit in maybe six years.  I have a third (and final, thank you vasectomy) kid coming soon, and I’ve realized that I’m going to have to make it in this world a few years longer. Or at least make an honest attempt at it.

So, I’ve got to get my cholesterol in control. it’s not crazy, but it’s a tad high. I need to get off my butt more often, and stay off it. I need to eat more veggies and fruits and less pastas and carbs. And less chocolate. damn, I like my chocolate.

I also have to find a way to redirect my energy towards things that will actually make a difference in my life and not just waste it. So, I’m trying to care less about politics. Maybe more accurately, I’m trying to remain informed while also not attaching too much of my personal time and energy towards fruitlessly worrying/griping/hating on it.

I need to devote more energy towards my family and my house. I want to start writing again. I’ve kicked around the idea of doing lit reviews here again. Or a cooking/baking blog. Maybe both because it’s my blog and why not?

Politics definitely deserves less of my energy, regardless of what else I do. I care, I have my values, and I vote.  At some point, it just is what it is and I think it’s just healthier to accept the limitations of what I can do and change. Maybe when I get some other ducks in their rows I can come back to this and be more effective in my political caring, but I’m just not there right now.

Alright, I have to take the dog out and get to bed. Sorry for the only moderately coherent thought splatter here but I just have this mess in my head that I’m trying to suss out, and right now this is the place where the sussing is happening.

Be The Change

January 3, 2020

There is a cookbook I like called BTC, so I’m just stealing it’s title for my blog post because I lack originality right now. Like most people the new year sort of shoves me in the direction of wanting to change myself in some way. Though, to be honest, they are just cemented versions of changes I have been eyeing for days/months/years.

So, my new year’s resolutions are often recycled from year to year. Resolutions is really just another way of saying goals. I set end points, destinations I want to arrive to at some point in the near distant future.

But I never have a path. A process. I don’t have a personal GPS to plot the way for me to easily, mindlessly follow.

this year I think I am going to try to set my goal as making the process to be, well, better. I over complicate my life by just being too damn lazy, such as not setting menus for the week and instead trying to just throw suppers together from night to night.  I want to be more productive, but I’m not entirely sure what that means. I think part of it is trying to start writing again. Some of it might be learning to play a musical instrument or just how to braid my daughter’s hair.

she’s starting to notice how inept I am at getting her ready for school in the morning.

Part of it is taking better care of myself, being healthier, etc. and that’s started by making the first wellness doctor’s appointment I’ve had in years. The last time I was there the doc wanted to hack something off my leg. I still have the thing on my leg. I’m curious if she’ll still want to cut it off (she clarified that she would use a knife. well,yeah. I hope so).

I’m trying to eat better. And less. got a jump start by being sick for the last two months. I eat all of the time. In a weird way I’m coming to grips with the idea that I’m probably going to live for at least another twenty years, and because I’m having another kid, I will need to also be relatively healthy and mobile and well-adjusted for those years. I can’t just let all of my shit fall apart.

I know that sounds strange, but the idea of living to a ripe old age has always seemed weirdly foreign to me. Which is probably a focus for another blog post.

Anyway. Here’s to a new year, and hopefully a positive one.